


A night's vision

by SiobhanMcG



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, One-Shot, Written by a soppy gay who was drinking too much, and drunk gays, just soppy gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 18:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12326664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiobhanMcG/pseuds/SiobhanMcG
Summary: A one-shot in which there is more time in between Protect and Serve and Life in the Freezer. Our two favourite surgeons go for a drink and (over)think their current relationship- or the lack thereof.





	A night's vision

It had been a long day on the ward with a multitude of alcohol-induced injuries following the latest rugby match and it felt like years since she had last had a proper sit-down. Her feet were aching and not for the first time that day her mind was invaded by thoughts of a certain blonde surgeon. Serena had sworn to herself not to think about her colleague anymore in this way and she had honestly tried not to, nevertheless she still found herself wondering. It felt like ages since they had sat here and decided to “toast to their undeniable sexual chemistry” and “keep it confined to theatre”. But was that what she wanted, she might have agreed to it- but was it what she  _honestly_ wanted? She didn’t know. Serena would like to tell herself she couldn’t really take distance from her feelings because she saw her almost every day. However, if she were being honest to herself: she didn’t  _want_ to. If anything, she knew she was only digging herself in deeper.

  
She leant back in her chair and closed her eyes. Memories of Bernie flashed through her mind. They weren’t particularly interesting; standing in line at Pulses, scrubbing out after a long gruelling surgery, looking at her over a glass of wine at Albies and finally just Bernie sitting in their office or standing next to a patient’s bed. Her stomach made a flip, but she welcomed the feeling. She also knew all Bernie’s habits by now; how she liked her coffee and her drink, how she would softly sing along to songs in the car and how she swore at anyone staying in the middle lane too long. Sometimes she felt she knew Bernie’s habits as well, or maybe even better, than she had known Edwards and she longed to see more of them- see more of her. Instead, she had opted to try and set her up with one of the nurses on ED, in a desperate and failed attempt to put an end to her own feelings. She wasn’t sure whether she considered it fortunate or not that Bernie had thus far refused to pay any attention to the woman…

The sound of Raf and Fletch bustling past their office pulls her from her daydreams and she gets up. They were all going to Albies tonight to enjoy a drink before their day off tomorrow- a very deserved drink if you’d ask her.   
It wasn’t long before she saw Bernie walking towards her in her pink coat. They greeted each other with a smile and made their way towards Albie’s. Their steps in synch and both at ease with each other as the banter flowed between them.  Most of their team were there, a few folks from Keller and Darwin making up the numbers.

Serena didn’t waste any time claiming her much deserved Shiraz, graciously sharing some of it with Bernie. Fletch and Raf who were sat next at the bar were giving their best imitations of one of their more ‘demanding’ patients, both trying (and failing) to disguise their accents. It wasn’t long before the entire bar was filled with laughter as Fletch and Raf enacted what they imagined a marital dispute in suburbia would look like. It had been a long but good day.

She finds herself looking at Bernie when she orders her drink, admiring the way she leans against the bar and how her legs are slightly bent as she does it. Lately it’s more and more often that the small things that Bernie do catch her attention. She has seen her change often enough now and even if the sight of Bernie in her plain black bra still makes her stomach coil, it’s the small things like her bad jokes and swearing that make Serena fall in love all over again. So she drinks. She drinks until Bernie fades from her mind and everything blurs in a pleasant haze. Deep down she knows she shouldn’t and is being irresponsible, but everyone deserves some time off.

Bernie should have known that the night would take a turn south. Fletch, spurred on by Jasmine, had ordered shots and started a drinking game of which Bernie still didn’t quite understand the rules after the third explanation. Neither had Serena, judging by her current state. Bernie wisely had opted out and observed with her whisky in hand, but Serena had joined in with gusto. Somehow winning, as Fletch, Raf and Jasmine were declared too unfit to continue. Serena had swaggered up to Bernie, smiling victoriously and about to order another glass of wine to celebrate her victory. That had been the moment Bernie decided it was probably time to take Serena home. Another wise choice, as within five minutes Serena’s sway had deteriorated into reeling. Placing her arm around her waist, Bernie had gently steered her out of Albie’s to wait for their cab and away from all alcoholic temptations.

“You smell nice.” Serena mumbles as she nuzzles into her coat.

She can’t help the comment that escapes her mouth, “-And you really will flirt with anything that stands still long enough.” She tries to pull Serena a bit more upright, failing miserably and only causing her to lean in closer.

“And has a heartbeat; that’s also quite essential.” Serena shoots back, causing Bernie to giggle.

“There’s that, yes.”

Bernie can feel the drunken weight of Serena pressing against her body and lets her mind wander for a moment about how it would feel to hold her against herself. She knew Serena hid her curves under her work blouses. They’d once gone to a black tie event together, and just thinking about the low cut black dress her colleague had turned up in, still did things to her several months later. A colleague who was also her friend. Her best friend. A best friend she kissed on the floor of an operating theatre when they were both tired and emotional. A  _heterosexual_  best friend whom she should not be having inappropriate thoughts about. “Get your mind out of your knickers, Wolfe,” she reprimanded herself. Apparently she had said it aloud as Serena burst out laughing.  _Great._

By the time Serena had finished her laughter, their taxi had arrived, effectively cutting off any further comments at Bernie’s expense originating from her one track mind and what Serena had dubbed “the new and very attractive nurse from ED ” with whom Serena was repeatedly trying to set her up with. Once inside the cab Serena leans her head against the window, clearly relishing the cool touch. She closes her eyes as a comfortable silence fell over them.

Bernie watched Serena, the street lights casting shadows over her face as they flashed by, but every few seconds there was enough light to take in the small details that were often invisible during the day; a small bead of sweat making its way down passed her ear and down her neck, the smudged mascara from crying with laughter, the lipstick that has lost its boldness as the night passed, the hair that was damp from the heat of Albie’s.  
  
_She’s beautiful._

The realisation sends a shock through her as she looks at Serena. There was something strangely enchanting about her, leaning against the window enjoying the cool touch, cheeks flushed from the alcohol and a mess from their night out. Bernie’s own head swoons a little from the whisky. When the taxi turns sharply, Serena openes her eyes slightly, looking straight up at Bernie. Under other circumstances she might have turned away quickly, ashamed to have been caught staring. Not this time. She holds her gaze; not questioning, not challenging, just looking. She’s half-expecting her to turn away whenever they are in the dark from the lack of lampposts, only to find her eyes again as they enter the next flash. The lights that glide over Serena’s face accentuate the groves of her face with every passing shadow. It’s eerie, much like a road restaurant in the middle of the night, or the deserted ruin of an Afghan village; real, but not quite. It feels like they spend hours in the warm orange light, soaking up all time and colour, leaving nothing but the two of them in the comfortable rumbling of this cab. Serena becomes all warm black and soft orange in the lights, eyes still staring straight at her, seemingly seeing everything in her. Bernie isn’t quite sure what to make of the sensation, the whisky has made her fuzzy and tranquil- she finds she can’t be bothered to care.

“Bernie” Serena rasps eventually.

“Serena.”

"Penny for your thoughts?”

She exclaims a soft sound; a third laugh, a third honk, a third sigh and waves her hand in meaningless gesture.

“Just… Alcohol… Fuzzy…” she cuts off and tries again “The lights are a bit weird.” A non-committal murmur was all she’s given in return.

“Your hair is a weird colour Bernie” follows after a moment of silence.

“Is it now?”

“It’s very orange…no… golden?” Serena’s clearly drunk “It looks so soft.”

“So does yours.” For once the admission doesn’t scare her. The alcohol in her blood has made her bold and brave.

“So does that new nurse in ED.”

Bernie keeps silent. That was  _not_  what she had wanted to hear. It makes her stomach churn a little and the muscles in her face contract in a strange way.

“I think she’s very attractive.”

“Oh?” Bernie breathes.

 _I think you are very attractive, but that doesn’t really matter anyway,_ she thinks.

“Yes… She also thinks you are 'absolutely gorgeous’ if I recall correctly” Serena says in an insinuating tone, giving her a lazy wink.

“Does she now?”

 _I don’t bloody care if she does or doesn’t,_  Bernie finds there’s vengeance in her mind. It’s Serena she wants- Serena and only Serena.

“She asked me if you were single, I told her you are.”

“Are you trying to set me up, Ms Campbell?” she says in faux-upset tone, but she can feel the insides of her stomach turning. Bernie knows she doesn’t want Serena to set her up with anyone, not as long as she’s still in love with her- not as long as she still loves her, because that’s what she feels: love. Nothing more and nothing less.

“Nothing of the sort, simply relaying a message” Bernie raises an eyebrow at Serena. “that she might or might not have actually asked to be relayed. But she’s nice, don’t you want to get out there again and find a partner- Have a proper relationship?”

It isn’t that she hasn’t thought about it- she thinks about it all the bloody time, just not with the new nurse from ED! Instead, she catches herself desperately trying to remember the softness of Serena’s lips on hers. It’s a fading memory by now, so she tries replacing it with other small things. She knows how Serena likes her coffee ( _strong and hot is all she cares about_ ) and her drinks ( _Shiraz_ ) and she knows what laundry detergent she has and uses it when she misses her to feel closer  _(Serena had once washed some clothes for her_ ). She also notices the changes in her own life made since Serena had entered it; less take-out, less conniving heartless comments, but more importantly: more happiness.

“Er, no. Not really. After Alex and the divorce, well.., everything has been a bit of a mess.” She mentally chastises herself in the process. She really ought to tell Serena and hear the rejection, feel the pain and get on with it. But she can’t. Instead she lets her talk about all the people she ought to date and all the things she ought to do.

Serena gives her a last curious look at closes her eyes again for the rest of the drive. When they arrive at Serena’s house, Bernie pays the driver and drags Serena inside. She hopes Serena will be capable enough to get herself to bed once she’s at the doorstep, but she isn’t. Bernie drags Serena upstairs and turns around when Serena changes. Once she’s in bed, Bernie takes a piece of paper to write a short note on. Her head is swooning and she can feel the tiredness reign over her- if only she could rest her head for a bit. She tempted to look at Serena- gaze at her and observe how she moves and how her facial expressions pass over her face. But she manages to restrain herself and force words onto the paper. Bernie finally looks up from the paper when she can hear Serena shift in her bed and glances at her. She’s fiddling with her phone, curled up in bed. She has wondered more than once if she should have taken the device of her friend, but so far no harm had been done. A few drunken selfies had been taken, but nothing outrageous. Besides, Serena was a grown woman, not one of her teenage children -or Jasmine for that matter. She looks down at the paper again and for a moment is tempted to write down the words that are tearing through her. I love you. I love you so, so much. Instead she does what her courage allows her to and signs with an x and after a moment of hesitation adds another. Then she bids Serena goodbye and leaves. Once she’s out the door she curses her own cowardice. Bernie then swears to herself she’ll tell her the next time.  _Really._

The next morning Serena isn’t quite sure how she had got home when she woke up Sunday morning, only remembering more than several glasses of Shiraz, some vague conversation about pushy patients and coats that smelt nice. Otherwise it’s all a bit sketchy. She shuffles around her room, opening half an eye for a few seconds at a time before finding her dressing gown at the foot of her bed, not daring to open the curtains as she was afraid of the assault of light on her over-sensitive eyes and knots it tightly around herself, before descending to the kitchen.

To her surprise, she has woken up earlier than she initially thought. The grandfather clock in her hallway chimes half eight and the light coming through the windows is still clinging on to that early morning bleakness. She makes her way to the kitchen, switches on the coffee machine, puts in the grinded beans and leans against the kitchen counter as she waits for machine to work its magic rumbling. When it’s done she inhales the rich aroma and sits down at the table, cradling the mug in her hands and is surprised to find a note lying there waiting for her. She frowns at the familiar scrawl that decorates the paper and reads.

“Oh, oh, Campbell. I hope you are not feeling too bad as you read this and if you do, I trust that the evening was worth it. Your keys and purse are on your desk in your study, clothes are in the washing machine. They took a knockout blow from a vodka-coke and one Shiraz too many, but have no fear, the leopards will live to fight another day. Although, I can’t say the same for the dignity of Fletch, Raf, and Jasmine. You’ve been tagged… (and forewarned)-”

_Had Bernie helped her change into her pyjamas?_

Serena searches her mind for any recollection of last night. She vaguely remembers Raf and Fletch challenging her to something in a vain attempt win back their losses from their previous round of games where they bought her a bottle of Shiraz. She gives up and continues reading.

“I’ll be around if you need a restorative bacon roll, pain au chocolat, or a can of Irn-Bru (don’t knock it) to cure your self-induced ails, just give me a shout! We do have a stack of files that need finishing before Monday after all. And I am not letting you off the hook just because you consumed a superhuman amount of alcohol Ms Campbell. Not a chance. We are  _equals_ , after all.”

xx, - Wolfe

She’s thrown off by the kisses at the end, Bernie never signs any texts or notes like this, yet it is not an unwelcome change. It reminds her of the soft feeling of Bernie’s lips on her own and her heart leaps in her throat. Serena then swears to herself she’ll tell her the next time.  _Really._

**Author's Note:**

> As always eternal thanks to my cheerleaders and betas: Bluebeetle and GinDiva! They still haven't blocked me on every possible social (media) outlet which is a complete wonder. Other than that, this is just the usual one-shot with soppy gays and alcohol-induced post-Albies encounters. Hope you enjoyed!


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